Jareth's Very Secret Diary
by Emerald The Lady Destiny
Summary: Inspired by the "Very Secret Diary" series by Cassie Claire. Just another bit of humorous insanity by yours truly! Hope you all enjoy it, and please R/R!


Jareth's Very Secret Diary  
  
I just want it clearly stated, right now, that I need help. Much psychological help, for writing something like this. Anyhow, I was reading the 'Very Secret Diaries' Lord of the Rings series by Cassie Claire; which by the way are absolutely brilliant, and the idea for this popped into my head. I'm sure it's probably been done before, but I figure what the Hell. By the way, to all those ff.net people out there, this is NOT a list, even though there are numbers before entries. It simply means what day it is in the diary. Repeat, NOT a list. Anyhow, hope you all enjoy it, and please remember to review!  
  
Disclaimer: A disclaimer: a statement made to save one's own ass. The Labyrinth does not belong to me, or anything therein pertaining to it. And I blatantly stole the beginning sentence of this disclaimer from Dogma.  
  
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Day 1: Someone gave me a diary for Christmas. Very bored, so decided to finally make use of it. Reminder: Find out who gave me diary, and throw them in the Bog.  
  
Day 2: Number of Goblins kicked: 4.  
  
Still bored. No one getting wished away. Listians still making fun of me too. Too bad there's too many of them to throw in the Bog.  
  
Day 5: Having an exceptionally good hair day. Must be new conditioner. Goblins got into make-up though, the expensive stuff. Kicked them very far. Good stress reliever.  
  
Day 8: Terrible Trio stole several dozen pairs of my tights, and replaced with corduroys and jeans. Reminder: Steal their make-up and hair care accessories.  
  
Day 11: Puck made fun of my hair again. Like he's one to talk, the Glorfindel doppleganger. Just because he's married to my god-daughter, does not mean I have to like him. Wonder if Norma would mind if I tossed him in an oubliette.  
  
Day 13: Tried to play in poker game consisting of Puck, Boromir, Adian, and Obi-Wan. Was laughed out before I could even play, and was told I was a terrible poker player. Reminder: Steal all their nicer clothing.  
  
Day 15: Am worried I am losing followers to pretty boy elf from Lord of the Rings. Do not understand what females see in him. He is NOT prettier than me. Just in case, should buy some new outfits.  
  
Day 18: Am bored again. Went Aboveground and made fun of Destiny and Chaos for starting to show with their pregnancies. Found out it's not a good idea to taunt pregnant women. Hope my eyebrows aren't singed permanently.  
  
Day 20: Using make-up pencil to try to cover up the fact eyebrows are singed. Not working very well. Reminder: Buy more socks, others are getting worn out.  
  
Day 23: Eyebrows starting to grow back. Was taunted by Puck when he noticed singed eyebrows. Still wonder if Norma would really mind if I tossed him in an oubliette.  
  
Day 25: Found new song to sing while wisher is running the Labyrinth. Was informed by Goblins that dancing and singing to "Shake your groove thing" scares them.  
  
Day 27: Firies singing "Dude looks like a Lady" when I was walking in the Firey forest. Would have disembodied them, but figured it was redundant.  
  
Day 30: Still losing female admirers to pretty boy elf from Lord of the Rings. Wonder if it is possible to toss him into the Bog.  
  
Day 32: Finally watched Lord of the Rings to see what all the hype was about. Shot spit wads when pretty boy elf was on screen. Very satisfying.  
  
Day 35: Am getting yelled at by Lady Destiny for 'borrowing' her Lord of the Rings DVD to watch. Think she is still sore from my 'borrowing' her Shania Twain CD. Reminder: 'Borrow' any other of her CD's I want. And destroy any David Bowie ones.  
  
Day 38: Destroy every copy of 'Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars', in hopes of not being called 'Ziggy' again.  
  
Day 41: Must find a way to get Goblins to stop singing "Sweet Transvestite". And stop Listians from dressing me up as Frank-n-furter.  
  
Day 44: Favorite eye-shadow was stolen, suspecting it was Puck or Lady Chaos. Not sure which, either way am very ticked off. Had to wear blue eye- shadow, which completely clashed with outfit. Reminder: Lock up make-up from now on.  
  
Day 47: Went to see Two Towers yesterday. Booed when pretty boy elf came on screen. Got kicked out of theatre.  
  
Day 49: Went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, to see what all the crossovers were about. Booed when Harry came on the screen. Got kicked out of theatre, again.  
  
Day 52: Number of Goblins kicked: 12. New record, go me!  
  
Very bored. Tried again with a new song, but was informed that dancing and singing to "Like a Virgin" was even more scary than "Shake your groove thing"  
  
Day 56: Decided to go Aboveground after a long day of children being wished away. Was mistaken for a Drag Queen. Numerous times. Was hit on by men in what I later learned was a gay bar. Numerous times.  
  
Day 59: Owl form is molting, very distressing. And very messy. Reminder: Get servants to clean up owl feathers.  
  
Day 63: Opened closet this morning to find my clothes were replaced with: The green dress Jennifer Lopez wore, Bjork's swan dress, and outfits worn by Frank-n-furter in "Rocky Horror Picture Show". Pretty sure it was Puck's doing. Honestly, -would- Norma really mind him if I tossed him in an oubliette?  
  
Day 66: Went to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Booed when Frank-n-furter appeared on screen. Was pelted with newspapers, rice, playing cards, and toast, then got kicked out of theatre yet again.  
  
Day 70: Still on never-ending quest to get Listians to give up the 'sock rumor'. Still no luck. Reminder: While on the subject, buy more socks.  
  
Day 74: Misplaced favorite riding crop. Very sad about it being missing. Not so sad about the Listians always asking me -why- I have a riding crop.  
  
Day 77: Very, very, VERY bored today. Decided to raid Lady Destiny's vast video and DVD collection for something to watch. Note to self, never watch 'Old Yeller' ever again.  
  
Day 80: Closet raided, yet again. This time by Listians on a dare. Several poet's shirts stolen. Reminder: Put a lock on closet.  
  
Day 84: Found that escalators were put in the Escher room. And they made sure it was the kind that never worked when you needed them to. Damned Terrible Trio.  
  
Day 88: Went to Mirkwood today on business with the elves. Restrained self from lobbing a crystal right at pretty boy elf prince's head. Just barely.  
  
Day 92: Had another wisher call me David Bowie. Damned Jim Henson and George Lucas. I wonder if anyone would notice if David Bowie were to suddenly disappear. Not to mention that damned Lucas is rolling in money using my wise-man's voice talents for his damn green muppet...Yoga...Yosa...Yodi...whatever the name is..."  
  
Day 96: Was told that Ewan MacGregor, from that Moulin Rouge movie, not only sings better than I do, but is prettier than I am. Note to self, lob a crystal at Obi-Wan.  
  
Day 99: Tried yet again, with several new songs. Was informed by Goblins that "Oops! I did it Again", "I'm a Slave 4 U" and anything else by Britney Spears passes right past scary and right into traumatizing. Day 101: Found all my hair-care products were stolen. Strongly suspect it was Puck. I really do wonder if Norma would mind if I tossed him in an oubliette.  
  
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By the Powers, just when I think my imagination and sense of humor can't get any more twisted, I come up with this little bit of insanity. And yes, I ended on 101, sort of my own little homage to my list that ff.net took away, '101 Ways to Annoy Jareth'. Good times, that. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed it, and remember....  
  
"Please leave a contribution in the little review box"  
  
Emerald, The Lady Destiny a.k.a. Emmy-chan 


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